Why Personae?

People put on a mask to hide who they truly are from the world. However, why do they even do this? Why not "simply" be themselves? I am not a professional psychologist digging deep into the human mind. I am just a teenager who has observed herself and her fellow humans. However, I have seen two main reasons that may be the cause, at least in my life, maybe in yours too!

Persecution

People - of all ages - are teased in various ways for being different. Teasing has seemingly been categorized as a stage people go through during adolescence. However, adults are teased as well, just in a different way. It might be a raised eyebrow, a snide comment, being ignored, laughed at, denied taken seriously, or patronized.

No matter how confident the individual this kind of persecution hurts. If the teasing is built upon each other it can become damaging. The more the person receives it the more they believe the persecution is justified or if they don't believe it, they get tried of receiving it. Thus, they will try to change their life to become someone who doesn't deserve the teasing.Twisting their personality into something it's not.

Acceptance

This goes hand-in-hand with the previous section. However, even the people who aren't teased crave to be accepted. It isn't enough to be without negative attention, it always feels nice when people invite us into their circle of friends. Sometimes that feeling seems worth giving up who you are.

 

There are situations in particular that intensify both of these reasons. Perhaps, you can think of some yourself. However, both of these reasons aren't worth trying to live a fake life.

I tried to only be myself in private settings and put on a show when out in public. Not only did I feel like a fraud, but I wasn't able to find people who I could relate to. Understandably! How could I relate to anyone when they didn't know who I really was?  I also kept the people I did relate to at a distance, not letting them see too much  of how I really was for fear they would reject me, like so many people before them. It's an incredibly stressful and lonely life.

However, so many people live this life! And it's hard to break out of it once you are in it. Most likely you won't be able to realize the different lives you live and just "snap out of it." If you can...let me know your secret!! 

I have found that taking it one step at a time helps. When something comes up and you have an urge to talk about your secret hobby, talk about it. The first times your friends see this new side of you will be extremely awkward. I'm not gonna lie. You will most certainly get the raised eyebrow...at least. But, remember why  you are breaking out of the mask. You are doing it so that you can connected with those who can relate to the real you! So you can be accepted by those who you "click" with! Notice how one of the reasons for having  a persona can also  be a reason why not to have a persona?

A great tip I found to use when slowly showing the world my personality was not to think about being myself all at once. This is a horribly overwhelming feeling. But, think about it in individual instances. "Right now I want to tell someone about my list of favorite words. They might think I'm really weird. *insert deep breath* But, it won't be that bad to be thought weird in this one instance." And take the plunge!

Try it out: take a step today that shows the world your personality. It may be easier to do this with a close friend, or maybe a complete stranger! Either way, give it a try. It may be awkward, but also extremely refreshing. 

I would love to hear about your adventures in your real lives! Please comment below :)

 

 

Personae Pursuit

Not everyone struggles with the same personae. In fact, some people may struggle with more than one! I know that I went through a search for a persona.

When I hit  about thirteen I was put under pressure to become someone I was not. Some of my friends were entering into the world of personae and were trying to convince me that I, too, would benefit from becoming the "typical" teenage girl. Seeing how they were obviously happy and I was tired of  being put down for who I was, I decided it was something to try.

So, as you may be able to relate to, I tried to fit in. I started dotting my "i's" with hearts, I began a diary about how I wanted a boyfriend (even though I couldn't have cared less), and I began to talk to my friends about girly things. After a day, of dotting my "i's" with hearts I found myself frustrated with how long it took to draw a stupid heart over every single "i!" So I dropped that quickly. After three or four days, I was sick and tired of writing about a dude when I would rather draw a picture. And after about a week, I grew sick of pretending to care about girly things. After one week, my persona pursuit failed.

I decided another plan of attack, I would swing to the other extreme! I decided to be a tom boy. Have you ever tried to fit into one group, failed and then tried to fit in the opposite group? It's hard. And I quickly learned that a tom boy I was not.

After, searching for a couple years to find what persona I wanted to become. I decided that the "best" persona was the chameleon persona. I was tired of trying different personalities, still  being picked on, and not enjoying the persona. So I became myself at home, but when in public I morphed into the quite girl trying to blend into my surroundings.

Finally, I grew tired of keeping friends at a distance, not letting them know who I really was. I grew tired of never being able to allow the world to see who I truly was. In short, I was just tired. And I slowly began shedding the chameleon skin.

It takes a lot of work to find your persona. However, it takes much more work to get rid of it. I am on a journey that will take much longer for me to finally become who I am, in public and in private. The journey starts now, not just for me, for everyone who is willing to become who they are. 

Are you tired of faking a life that you don't live? Try to do something today, in public, that is simply you. It will be kind of scary.

Why is it so hard to get rid of a persona? Come back as we find the reasons for personae and how to combat them.

Why "Life is Real"?

It seems obvious to say that "Life is real." Of course it is, life isn’t a figment of our imaginations. What else could it be? However, many times life isn't real. At lest, not the lives we let the world see.

 People put on different personae depending on the situation they are placed in as well as who they are with. Perhaps, the most common persona adults put on is the "Perfect Life" mask.

There is a ton of pressure put on people to have the "Perfect Life" and if they fail to have that "Perfect Life" there is something seriously wrong with them. So they hide the grape juice spill and shush the giggling children at the store, they put on the "grown up voice," and show the world that they have everything under control. When the washer breaks, the boss asks them to stay late and dinner burns they want to call a friend and tell them what's wrong. But, they freeze up. They have to remain "Perfect." So they sit down, shut up, and smile.

The most common mask I find among female peers (or "Teenyboppers") is the persona of the stereotypical cheerleader: the squealing, pretending to be dumb for the attention, and the flirting when around a male peer (or "a guy"). However, when they are in a group of girls their IQ goes up a couple of notches, and their squeals go down a few.

Male peers ("guys") seem to put on a different kind of personality. When around a good friend, or two, they are simply themselves. However, if a certain individual (male most likely) is introduced, or too many good friends get together, the "I'm a Tough Guy and I Know it" persona flies on in the nick of time. As one shield goes up another one of the guy's shields will shoot up as well. And the more shields come up the more intense they get. They feed off one another until their persona is completely covering them.

Younger children are so delightfully refreshing! Too young to understand what the world "expects of them" they are who they are. Once in a while you will find a child who knows the persona that is, or will be, expected and they practice early, however, most of the time the child is simply their personality.

It is hard to find a peer or an adult who is completely comfortable in whom they are. Someone who is comfortable showing the world the real life they hold inside. I know that I struggle with being who I am. However, I try to not give into the pressures and I try to remain who I am, inside my private world and outside my private world.

Do you want to learn more about real life? Do you want to be able to say with confidence "Life is real...and that's okay?" Come back as I break down the pressures of personae and the places where you will be bombarded with the temptation to put up the shield, giving tips along the way on how to be comfortable with who you are.

Life is real,

Winter