Personae Pursuit

Not everyone struggles with the same personae. In fact, some people may struggle with more than one! I know that I went through a search for a persona.

When I hit  about thirteen I was put under pressure to become someone I was not. Some of my friends were entering into the world of personae and were trying to convince me that I, too, would benefit from becoming the "typical" teenage girl. Seeing how they were obviously happy and I was tired of  being put down for who I was, I decided it was something to try.

So, as you may be able to relate to, I tried to fit in. I started dotting my "i's" with hearts, I began a diary about how I wanted a boyfriend (even though I couldn't have cared less), and I began to talk to my friends about girly things. After a day, of dotting my "i's" with hearts I found myself frustrated with how long it took to draw a stupid heart over every single "i!" So I dropped that quickly. After three or four days, I was sick and tired of writing about a dude when I would rather draw a picture. And after about a week, I grew sick of pretending to care about girly things. After one week, my persona pursuit failed.

I decided another plan of attack, I would swing to the other extreme! I decided to be a tom boy. Have you ever tried to fit into one group, failed and then tried to fit in the opposite group? It's hard. And I quickly learned that a tom boy I was not.

After, searching for a couple years to find what persona I wanted to become. I decided that the "best" persona was the chameleon persona. I was tired of trying different personalities, still  being picked on, and not enjoying the persona. So I became myself at home, but when in public I morphed into the quite girl trying to blend into my surroundings.

Finally, I grew tired of keeping friends at a distance, not letting them know who I really was. I grew tired of never being able to allow the world to see who I truly was. In short, I was just tired. And I slowly began shedding the chameleon skin.

It takes a lot of work to find your persona. However, it takes much more work to get rid of it. I am on a journey that will take much longer for me to finally become who I am, in public and in private. The journey starts now, not just for me, for everyone who is willing to become who they are. 

Are you tired of faking a life that you don't live? Try to do something today, in public, that is simply you. It will be kind of scary.

Why is it so hard to get rid of a persona? Come back as we find the reasons for personae and how to combat them.